moi

Mother Teresa (1910 - 1997)
Indian (Albanian-born) humanitarian & missionary
Adapted by moi for understanding and love.
God doesn't require us to succeed; he only requires that you try.
Mother Teresa

I grew up trying to be as good as mother Theresa, even wanting to be a nun, the whole works and this thought frees me. God requires that I try at least so that the fear of failure does not stop me from achieving great things.

I have found the paradox that if I love until it hurts, then there is no hurt, but only more love.
Mother Teresa

I am not sure I agree with her. I have never loved before except you are counting agape which is God’s love and I love God cos he first loved me. As for human relationships, I think I am a mess when it comes to actually relating on an intimate level with anyone who is not family or a friend for ages at least. I think I have a commitment-phobia about getting close to anybody not just male folk. God will work it out in His time (I hear now!) lol

I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much.
Mother Teresa

As for me, I am glad that God trusts me so much, why? Cos He wouldn’t speak to me if He did not trust me as a worthy daughter. If you can ask me the one thing I can value above my family, I would say my communication with God. Lately I had been having issues I could not put a name to and during a prayer all-night, he just dropped Jehovah Mekaddishkem in my spirit. I found out later that it means “I am the lord that sanctifies”. I was so thrilled within me; there is nothing that pleases me more than attention from God.

Joy is prayer - Joy is strength - Joy is love - Joy is a net of love by which you can catch souls.
Mother Teresa

I have learnt joy not as others in smiles but in quietness and confidence. I have learnt to see joy in the clouds, the skies, my beauty; I always did not know I was beautiful. I had to learn to value myself. I learnt that I was fearfully and wonderfully made by God and now when people try to cut me down or hurt me, I know who I am.

Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.
Mother Teresa

I have thought myself to always speak kind words, why? Cos I appreciate kind words a lot. Its always nice to hear healing and building words that can build you up, maybe not as much as the Holy Ghost will when you speak in tongues but it will definitely encourage you and encouragement is always a fun thing.

Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier.
Mother Teresa

I wish I can learn this. I am not usually one to smile when I meet someone for the first time. You would rather see a stoic if pretty face full of many thoughts. You could say I see you in passing but I am usually very polite. I could change this a little. I do this cos I am not one to trust so easily (been betrayed a couple of times) but you know that is not an excuse, I need to work at being more Christ-like and of course encourage others often by deliberately setting out to make their day.

Let us make one point, that we meet each other with a smile, when it is difficult to smile. Smile at each other, make time for each other in your family.
Mother Teresa, in her Nobel lecture

Like I said, I need to smile more often. Why? I want to emulate Mother Teresa cos she touched many lives growing up. I hope someday in heaven, all the lives I have touched knowingly or unknowingly will come up to me and say thank you for serving the lord. I personally think it’s a privilege and it makes life worth the living.

Lord, i love you!

i love you!

These words are simple. they are also true cos u have shared some of the scariest times of my life and some of the most glorious times. It is in some of theses times that i know the grace and the miraculous of God.

It is at one of these times that a certain ailment disappeared some my body about a day ago, today actually. I am so glad my heart is bursting out of its seams. so blogville you are already having testimonies and i will record some other past testimonies.
Like my deliverance from fear.

By his wounds was i healed (made whole)

Lord,
I am so glad that your words are spirit and life. The people that were scorning me are already wondering where the smell went. You Know what it was lord and i have nothing to hide from you; just want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart.
I love you
not cos of it.
but cos of salvation.
i wonder where i would have been today if i did not choose to follow you.
I am sorry about the times i neglected you
Those times were difficult cos i would not let you in
Lord,
Don't let me leave you
speak to me often and help me listen
prompt me to seek you often
I love you my savior
the lover of my soul
time spent in worship with you
is more than worth it
Holy spirit help build my character
Your love to me
is better than life.

Walk me through this stuff lord
Love you so much its like my heart is breaking
difference is i know you can be trusted

To my Love
God

Okay, i got shot!

Lord,
Imagine how much i enjoyed the weekend
watched many preachers teach, i grew almost ten feet tall, had a wonderful time in church apart from minor distractions.
i went home, got my hair done. My self esteem is soaring everyday, not just cos i look good ( i know i do) but cos i am beautiful inside and out
so i get to the office and our administrator says some nasty things that have particular targets and he is just mocking and mocking and i nearly lose control.
i said 'mocker' under my breathe then i hold myself.
this self control thing is not as easy as i would like it to be.
i was feeling hurt looking around and gathering my my tornadoes to destroy the people trying to decapacitate me. then i remember that he says that vengeance is his and that i am to love em'
i am trying this love stuff for the last 2 weeks or so. so i say under my breathe that i love them. the words sound like ashes in my mouth but i make myself say them because i choose to align me with God's word.
like now, i keep saying his wounds have made me whole and he will perfect all that concerns me in jesus name, amen

when i received the shot(verbal), no one knows more than me how my face wanted to squeeze up and crumple in tears and just die and go to the grave, but something inside me says 'greater is he that lives in me than he that lives in the world"
I know who i am, i cannot be defeated because all things are working together for my good because i love God and i am the called according to his purpose.

N.B. To end this, let me just say thank you God for strengthening my backbone. only God knows that Wednesday last week, i wanted to give up on my christian walk. God knows ever since September i have been having challenges upon challenge but i have been overcoming by the spirit. My christian walk is all that sustains me and my r/ship with the H.spirit, as much as it has been like walking on cobwebs, it is the times he spoke to me that i received encouragement.

Let me say this direct to God. Lord, Friend, i saw those 'ivie's (two of em) wo obo when debai obo otion when. This is why i trusted you enough to move forward. I believe that you who began a good walk in me, you are faithful to complete it until the day of Christ.

so last week sunday...

on the fifth of October after spending about 4 years controlling myself in church, the lord didn't wait for me. i started crying for about 30 mins or so. every body was worshiping and there i was crying. i could not understand it. why would every body be worshiping and i am just crying. inside me, i am wondering am i hurt about something? am i scared about something? am i suppressing something?

...and i think to myself, why is God embarrassing me like this? doesn't he know that people will start wondering that o her life is so darn hard. let it how honey! let God know how u feel? that's what they would say in a black American church but in a church like mine, it would just set tongues wagging cos they would not understand. i didn't understand myself until God stayed with me and wouldn't leave.

i have visions too. but about people and stuff and its never complete and i can never tell any of the church folk cos they will just think that i am a witch. so sometimes i have visions of the way people really feel even when they pretend around me but i don't know if God can trust me with his gift cos i don't always know how to react i am to straight to the point.

so i decided to grow constantly this week why? cos i am a seed of Abraham and Abraham staggered not at the deadness of sarah's womb, he believed God and it was credited unto him as righteousness. well, as for me, i know that by his stripes, we have been made whole and that he was the one who bore our infirmities and that he was bruised for our iniquities, the chastisement of our peace was laid upon him and by his stripes we were made whole. so i see myself as whole, the healed one of God who has the zoe life. the God-kind of life.

I hope i can continue this walk cos i love the lord, jesus to be precise and apparently he loves me right back cos anytime i get distracted he has a way of just drawing my attention right back to him so it is obvious i am fightin my battles but Christ is always with me.

i love you jesus. i am so in-love with you it hurts my chest. it feels me with peace i cannot understand.

i am saved alleluia!

so i got saved march 2001.
i got saved after a really traumatic incident. funny thing is i had already decided to get saved but the incident almost made me change my mind and then my academics crashed. then my finances crashed. then my family crashed and all i could depend on was God.

like i said i was already going to give my life to Christ and so i postponed for another four months and then finally i gave in and gave my life. though i had given my heart, my heart was still like stone and i could not understand why i had to love God or trust after all the rubbish i had been through.

One day i went for a meeting and a man from America, they were a team of missionaries gave a word and i just couldn't resist. the holy ghost lifted me physically and took me out, that was how i officially received the infilling of the holy ghost. from then onwards i would be worshiping in church and my eyes would fill with tears and be gushing like it had buckets of water supporting the water flow. well, i was like "why is Holy Ghost doing me like this now?" my entire thought was that people would be wondering why is she crying now? i read up on everything i could find and i still could not find out the reason for the tears.

i wondered maybe i can't control my emotions in the presence of God but with other people i am walled up. well, after it had happened steadily for like 5 months, i gave up hope that God would leave me alone to just lick my wounds Privately. I thank God He never left. What would i have done? He cared too damn much to let me go on like the devil could defeat me.

that was how i got introduced to the presence of the Holy Ghost.